by Liz Ryan

Dear Liz,

I love your advice! Thank you for understanding that going to work can be emotionally draining sometimes. That’s the situation I am in right now. I used to love my job, but I hate it now because I can’t stand my boss. She is extremely personal and vindictive. She is an unhappy, back-stabbing person who looks for an excuse to criticize people.

She has picked apart my work, my car, the neighborhood I grew up (she said “Oh, it’s all gentrified now but that it was practically Skid Row when you were growing up”) and even my looks and my clothes.

I have never been one of her favorites but she’s gotten harder and harder to work for over time. Now, walking into work has become almost unbearable.

I know I need to start job-hunting, but my mojo is completely gone. It’s so bad I sometimes cry myself to sleep. How can I get some of my lost mojo back so I have the energy to rewrite my resume and start looking for a better job?

Thanks Liz,

Heidi

Dear Heidi,

The reason bad bosses suck away so much of our mojo is that we’ve all been trained since childhood to please the boss, get along with the boss and if possible, be one of the best employees in the department.

We got used to pleasing our teachers in school, and it can be very hard to trudge through a workday when you know that no matter how hard you try, you can’t please your boss. One thing I recommend you do is to think about your job as a runway to your next job, which will be a better job working for a much nicer person than your current boss.

This is just a stopping place. It doesn’t matter whether your boss likes you or not. You are going to lift your eyes up and look past her. Nothing she does or says really matters to you. If she gets into a snit and fires you, you’ll collect unemployment.

If you document the awful things she’s said and done to you already, you might even be able to collect unemployment if you quit. It’s worth a visit or a call to the unemployment office to find out. When you are forced out of your job by abysmal treatment, it’s called constructive discharge and you may be eligible for unemployment benefits if that happens to you.

So you are on your own path now. Your boss has just been demoted! She is a bit player in your movie. You don’t care about your next performance review, because you don’t plan to be there for that meeting anyway.

Your path leads elsewhere. If you don’t have the energy right now to work on your Human-Voiced Resume, that’s fine. Take a bubble bath instead, make your favorite recipe or draw, read or listen to music.

Get a journal and write in it. That will help your mojo supply!

Get outside or start growing some plants in pots indoors. Get a goldfish and repaint your bedroom a wonderful color that you love. Take care of yourself, in other words! That’s what you need now. Your boss has no power over you once you’ve made the decision to move up and onward.

She can’t make you cry on your pillow at night once you’ve taken back the power that you gave her by mistake when you thought she was somebody who mattered to  you. She doesn’t!

Your boss seems like the Wicked Witch of the West to you right now because when we are feeling powerless and stuck, we always make our obstacles bigger than they really are. When we make our obstacles really big and scary, then we get to say “I can’t get over that obstacle — it’s bigger than I am!” Gradually we realize that because we made the obstacle big, we can make ourselves even bigger.

Your boss is nobody. She is just a fearful person who doesn’t feel okay about herself. Later you will feel sorry for her. Right now, you just have to gather your resources to get away from her! You will do it as your mojo starts to return. Your boss doesn’t deserve the emotional energy you’ve been investing in her. You need every drop of it for yourself and your upcoming adventure!

When your boss puts you down, smile and say “Okay.” When she snipes at you behind your back, sing your favorite song in your head. There are haters everywhere you go. Who cares? Not you! Your boss will be in your rearview mirror very soon, getting smaller and smaller until she disappears completely.

Make the commitment to change your situation and watch how much easier things get from there!

All the best,

Liz