By Terina Allen – Forbes

It’s fascinating how indignant people can get when other people lie about things, yet they readily accept the lies that they tell themselves all the time. Think about it. People respond with things like “how dare you lie to me” or “we can’t have a meaningful relationship if you lie to me,” but then these same people are perfectly fine with how often they lie to themselves. When you constantly lie to yourself, you chip away at your self-confidence. And the more you allow yourself get away with it, the less likely you are to ever create the different life or career success that you say you want.

The Great Big Lie

The great big lie that destroys career success is the lie people tell themselves about how they don’t have choices and are unable to create a fulfilled and successful career. When we don’t like any of our choices, we sometimes complain that we had no choice at all, and that is the saddest thing in the world. When we don’t want to grapple with the negative consequences that come with choices, we complain about how unfair all the consequences are.

Just because you don’t like the choices you have doesn’t mean you don’t have any.

People blame their career failures on a lack of choices or options in life. But the truth is that the reason most people stay stuck in jobs they hate isn’t because they don’t have any choices; it’s because they don’t like the choices they have because all choices have some kind of change or cost attached to them. People don’t like that they have to give up something to make something else better happen. They don’t like the risk and uncertainty of their options, and so they end up showing that they don’t have the courage to make any choices. Hence, the status quo holds, and they never experience career success. It simply becomes easier to say that they don’t have any choices rather than face the fact that they do have some but are afraid to make the change.

By falling for the big lie, people get to complain about their lives and careers and act like everyone else somehow has it easier than they do. They get to play the victim and sometimes become miserable about life. Again, I’ve observed that people become most angry and upset when others lie to them, but yet they find it way too easy to lie to themselves on a regular—sometimes daily—basis, seemingly without consequence. Here are some examples:

• I will get to that project in an hour (you haven’t yet started a week later).
• I am going to start that business.
• I will ask for that promotion or pay raise.
• I’m going to deal with the conflict I’m having with my colleague or boss.
• The career I want requires a degree or certification so I’m going to get that college degree or certification.
• I will read that leadership book this week.
• I will write that book this year.
• I will attend that conference or seminar so I can start networking.
• I promise to be more productive on my job so I can contribute more.
• I am going to watch less television so I can get more done.

You name it. We have all kinds of plans for the things we need to do to get to that next level in our careers and have sustained career success, but too often these things end up as no more than lies.

There is a serious consequence to the lies.

Career fulfillment can’t be achieved when people lie to themselves about how they will do something different to experience career success, but don’t. This means that you have to get real with yourself about what kind of life and career you truly want and then face yourself about what you are willing—or not willing—to do to make it happen. You have to get real with yourself about whether or not you are willing to pay the cost to experience your desired life and career.

Don’t ever get fooled into believing there isn’t a cost (a trade off of sorts) on the path to success. Happiness has a cost. Peace and joy have a cost. And yes, life and career success have a cost. If you aren’t happy with where you are today, you aren’t going to just wake up one day happy. If you work a job that you hate, you aren’t going to suddenly start loving it. The great truth about lying is that we lie to ourselves more than we lie to anyone else, and too many of us find it completely acceptable to do so. If you want a better life and a better career, then take note.

• When you promise yourself that you will change your behavior and then don’t, you are lying. When you decide that you will do something or say something that you’ve struggled to do or say and then you don’t, you are lying. When you make resolutions that you leave by the wayside, you have lied, and when you say you don’t have choices because all your options have negative consequences attached, then you are lying to yourself.
• You have to face the truth about what you will or won’t actually do to achieve your personal and professional goals. You have to recognize that just because the choices are difficult doesn’t mean you don’t have any. You have to ask the hard questions about what it will take and then resolve to either be disciplined enough to do what it takes or finally accept that you won’t so that you can then stop complaining about your life and more fully accept your current situation.
• You need to own the power you have and be painfully honest with yourself. When you own your power, you are more disciplined and will hold yourself accountable for the decisions, choices and behaviors that you make or don’t make. Change takes work, discipline and consistency. You have to get real honest with yourself and come to terms with the behavior changes that you will need to make if you want a different or better life and career.

What happens when you permit yourself to perpetually lie?

Among other things, you eventually stop believing in yourself. How does lying to yourself make you feel? How do you hold yourself to account? Do you ever make repairs on yourself, and if so, what are they? What does it do to your psyche? How do continual self lies and lack of accountability impact your ability to actually follow through to sustain personal or career success?

As you journey through your career, you will have several different discussions and conversations with several different people, but be absolutely clear that the most important conversation you need to have for career success begins and ends with yourself. If that conversation starts and ends with you lying to yourself, you will continue to be unfulfilled in your career.