By Rachel Bloom-Baglin – LinkedIn

There were some early red flag warnings, even during my new boss’ three-month onboarding process, that lovely honeymoon period when everyone thinks you’re great. Calling to chat on weekends for no apparent reason, commenting on a colleague’s age, questioning the competencies of people two levels down, bypassing supervisors. The niceties and spirit of collaboration that got him through the interview process and earned him thumbs up from my colleagues and senior leadership came to an alarming halt right after the dishes were cleared from my long-time boss’ retirement party. First a demand of loyalty, soon after, questions and rejections on mostly everything I did, from my work product to the meetings on my calendar. This happened repeatedly during the 18-month period I reported to him.

As a strong performer, working in this environment began to affect my health and relationships in and outside of the office. My team, not surprisingly, felt the stress too, which was painful to me as I prided myself in being a good manager. It was clear he wanted me out – he didn’t want to be the bad guy – he wanted it to be my decision to quit. I refused.

What does it take to be a great boss? During a career that has spanned 30 years, I’m still working on it. I can always be better.  I have tried to emulate those I have admired and vowed never to repeat the behaviors of some (both male and female) who, today, would never survive the #metoo movement. I listen to the experiences and stories of others in the workplace, those with richer histories than mine, I lean in and try to understand.

I finally sought the counsel of my CEO, who offered me a year-long assignment, reporting to him. He listened, he acted. It was such a gift, but unfortunately, there were no consequences for my boss.

What did I learn from this experience? A lot.

If something doesn’t feel right with your manager, it probably isn’t.

A colleague told me, “maybe you don’t just connect.” That may be true, but it’s not a surrogate for treating people poorly. If you are feeling uncomfortable, take time and talk to your manager and explore new or different ways to work together. If you feel you can’t talk to your boss, take advantage of your company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), if they have one. If you feel that your manager is violating company policies in his or her treatment of you or others in the workplace, document the incidents and talk to your HR representative or call your company’s confidential hotline. You may not be as alone as you think.  And of course, confide in a family member, friend or trusted colleague.

Explain the situation to your team.

My team witnessed first-hand the stress I was under. At the time, I chose not to share what was going on. I saw keeping them shielded from him as part of my job and, as such, didn’t bring them into the situation fully. In hindsight, I should have explained what was driving my changed behavior. I no longer believe it’s a sign of weakness – It takes courage to speak up when something is not going right.

It’s ok to move on.

You deserve respect and to be treated with dignity.  Don’t let your pride get in the way of seeking another role in or outside of your organization. This does not constitute failure. It means you’re strong enough to make a change.

Find an organization, no matter how large or small, with a culture that puts the values of respect, dignity and courage, first. What a difference this makes in what you can contribute and how you will grow no matter what profession you choose, and I am sure you will find a great boss that will serve as your mentor, your guide and, of course, bring out the best in you.

#masswomen