By David Strut & Todd Nordstrom – Forbes

According to some psychologists, “the fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears.” Without a doubt, most of us can remember times in our lives and careers when we’ve feared rejection—asking someone out on a date or applying for a new job.

But, there’s something even scarier than being rejected during a potential new relationship—it’s being rejected after someone gets to know us. Being dumped by a significant other hurts more than being rejected on a dance floor. And, being fired hurts a lot more than not being hired in the first place.

“I’m just terrified to ask for a raise,” Raj, a systems manager at a global software company recently told us. “I feel like if my boss turns me down, our relationship will be negatively impacted.”

Raj isn’t the first person to express his fears to us about asking for a raise. We’ve heard it quite a bit. However, neither one of us could have predicted the reality of just how much this fear is impacting the average employee. According to a survey conducted by Robert Half Finance & Accounting, “40% of employees report that they never discuss their career with their manager.” No conversations about promotions. No conversations about raises. No conversations about the future. Nothing. And, that’s not because they don’t want to have conversations. In fact, the same research showed that 82% of employees wish they could talk to their managers one to four times each year.

“I want to ask,” said Raj. “I have no idea what I should say.”

Having sat on both sides of the table—asking for raises, and being asked by employees for raises—here are a few things to consider before you schedule a meeting with your boss.

1. Time your request. The very first thing you need to know about asking for a raise is that your boss may have limited power. Not only do many managers need to get approval from someone else in the organization, but they have little or no control over timing of your potential raise. So, learn when your company structures budgets, and either time your request directly in front of the budget creation, or be prepared to wait. If you discover you’ll have to wait a bit, don’t waste the time twiddling your thumbs. Use the time leading up to your request to truly shine. Now is the perfect time to approach your boss about a stretch goal, or starting a new project you can tackle in addition to your current work. Basically, you’re proving that when the next discussion happens, you can point specifically at your results.

2. Know what your work is worth. Many times, employees will only think of asking for a raise because they personally need extra money. But, put yourself in the mindset of your employer—where a specific job and all the tasks included have a market value. Only when you truly understand this, can you understand the extra value you bring to the job. Know why you personally are more valuable than your job description. If it helps, make a list of ways you create a difference that benefits your boss, your team and your organization. It may sound silly, but that list will boost your confidence before you have the dreaded discussion, and give you new ideas to keep demonstrating the value you provide, which will justify your raise.

3. Talk about future goals. Once you do schedule a face-to-face meeting with your boss, talk about where you see your career headed. Be careful to not make this a discussion about your future financial goals. Instead, make it about the value you want to create for the organization in the future. Talk about your stretch goals from #1 on this list. Talk about the things you want to learn, the challenges you want to tackle, and the results you think you can deliver.

4. Communicate wins and efforts through stories. This is important because your boss, and your organization, wants to see your growth. So, instead of just talking about your accomplishments, tell the stories of how you faced a challenge, solved a problem, and created a great result. Often times, especially when we’re nervous, we have tendencies of just spotlighting the wins. But, taken out of context, those wins may be difficult for another person to grasp. So, communicate the entire story. This not only shows your boss how you think and approach work, but also how you’ll approach work in the future.

5. Make an alternative proposition. Don’t be too surprised or hurt if you get rejected. It doesn’t mean your boss dislikes you. Instead, look at the rejection as an opportunity to create an alternate proposition. Ask your boss if they can help you achieve the things you want to achieve so you can get that raise. Ask them what they see as the right steps to you getting a promotion. We promise they won’t leave this conversation thinking less of you. They’ll think more of you. And, hopefully they’ll work with you to advance your career, and your personal financial goals.

Asking for a raise is stressful. And, if you read through this post and still fear the dreaded conversation, let us leave you with one final thought. Focus on making your work exceptional, noteworthy, and worthy of being recognized. Focus long and hard enough, and you’ll never have to ask for a raise or a promotion from your boss. They’ll bring it to you.