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By Kim Elsesser – Forbes

It has been about six months since the sexual harassment allegations against Harvey Weinstein surfaced and launched the #MeToo movement. Although there were hopes that #MeToo would bring about real change in the workplace, after six months we have little to show for it. In fact, new research out this week from the Pew Research Center indicates that a majority of employees feel that #MeToo has made it more difficult to interact with the opposite sex at work. A whopping 51% of employees stated that #MeToo has made interactions with the opposite sex at work harder, while only 12% thought these interactions were made easier by #MeToo. In other words, #MeToo hasn’t improved the situation, it’s made it worse. Most of us work with employees of the opposite sex every day, and avoiding them is not the answer. Here are six guidelines for interacting with opposite sex coworkers in the #MeToo era.

1. Meeting alone? Be specific about your intentions. If you’re a junior employee looking to get some insights from a senior manager of the opposite sex, you may be reluctant to ask for a meeting. Similarly, a senior manager may be reluctant to take on a mentor role for a junior employee. They both might worry that their intentions would be misinterpreted as romantic interest, or that others would think there was more to the relationship than just business. If you find yourself in this situation, the best way to approach your coworker is to be very specific about why you want to meet. For example, “I’d love to meet with you to talk” doesn’t quite cut it. However, “I’m interested in expanding my client list, and wanted to hear how you compiled one of the largest client lists in the firm,” lets the coworker know why you’re interested in speaking with them specifically, and also lets them know that you’re interested in business, not romance.

2. Remember, most people are not harassers. For a while last fall, it seemed like every man was being charged with sexual harassment. In reality, they weren’t. Most men are not sexual harassers. Women do not need to avoid meeting alone with their male coworkers. In fact, women can go in to the vast majority of one-on-one business meetings with little to fear.

3. It’s difficult to inadvertently sexually harass someone. One reason men have told me they’re reluctant to interact with female coworkers is that they are afraid that they will unintentionally say something that will be perceived as harassment. My answer is if you’re concerned about this, then you are probably not someone that has to worry about it. Take the allegations against Weinstein. Weinstein didn’t make an offhand remark at a meeting, he allegedly asked women to watch him shower or to shower with him. This is not something you do accidentally. Furthermore, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (the government organization that enforces sexual harassment laws) clearly states that “the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious. Harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).” In other words, most sensible individuals need not worry about inadvertently sexual harassing a colleague.

4. Apply the one chance rule to dating. I suppose that if we eliminated all sexual attraction from the workplace, the harassment would also disappear. However, this is an impossible goal. Research indicates that almost half of employees have had a workplace romance at some point in their lives. Attraction at work happens – a lot. We spend a significant amount of time with our coworkers, and often share similar interests, so it’s natural that we become attracted to them. If you find yourself pining away for a coworker, be sure to implement the one chance rule. The one chance rule states that employees can only ask a coworker out on a date once. If they get turned down, they cannot ask again – not in a week, not in a month, not ever again. Google and Facebook have adopted this one chance strategy as a rule for all their employees, and I believe all individuals and organizations could benefit this policy.

5. Don’t be afraid to talk about consent. One of the most common defenses from those accused of harassment is that they thought that the kiss, the creepy text, or the unwanted grab was desired. In other words, they perceived that their sexual attraction was reciprocated when it wasn’t. Instead of confirming that the feelings were mutual and obtaining consent, they just leaned in for the kiss or the grab. This should seem obvious, but before jumping in, you need to go back to No. 4. In other words, be sure to ask for consent, but only once. And to remain professional, it’s best to refrain from any physical contact at work other than handshakes. Kisses (even on the cheek), hugs, and massages should be reserved for non-work friends and romantic partners.

6. Don’t avoid the opposite sex, mentor them. The easiest route to avoid any hint of impropriety and to avoid uncomfortable interactions is to stick to same-sex interactions whenever possible. This is not the solution. To maximize productivity, organizations need all of their employees to interact comfortably with each another. It is also critical for women trying to advance their careers to have the same access as their male colleagues to senior management, which is still often predominantly male. If senior male management sticks with male employees when it comes time for business trips, social outings or even one-on-one meetings, then women don’t have a chance of reaching equality with men at work. So, don’t avoid the opposite sex, mentor them instead. Have coffee or lunch with an opposite sex colleague. The more frequently male and female coworkers positively interact, and the more frequently men and women meet alone, the less awkward and suspicious these meetings will seem. If you want to do your part to help women and the #MeToo movement, start mentoring someone of the opposite sex today.

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