by Denise Restauri

Carrie Hammer’s life changed when she couldn’t find anything beautiful and affordable to wear to work.  That’s when she started designing customized pieces for herself. After an overwhelming response from friends and colleagues, she knew she was onto something. So she went to study business and marketing at the Parsons Paris School of Art and Design and launched her own fashion company. Her debut runway show in 2014 featured “Role Models Not Runway Models”—her models were entrepreneurs, CEOs and the first model in a wheelchair to appear in New York Fashion Week. “It’s about being a three-dimensional beautiful woman, and that’s what beauty really is,” says Hammer. “We’ve jumped the shark in the fashion and beauty industry with this so-called definition of beauty. Until we change the way we see women, we’re not going to change the way we treat women. My life’s goal is to change that.”

Hammer’s a graduate of Economics and Women’s Studies from UCLA and a Forbes Under 30. With over one billion media impressions in three years with no PR agency, she knows what it takes to get to where she wants to go. Below are highlights from my Mentoring Moments podcast with Hammer. To hear her  story about how her life changed when someone “saw” her as well as her tips on why women need to “choose” their partners, how to be a role model, why you want to feel your way into the future and more, tune in to Mentoring Moments episode “Everyone’s A Role Model.”

1. Find Your Truth North vs. Magnetic North

People are worried when I do something that’s contrary. They’re like, “Aren’t you worried about what people or the press are going to say?” I respond with, “I know at the very core essence of my being who I am and what I stand for. People can say and write whatever they want, but this is who I am.” You can only make bold moves if you know exactly who you are and what you stand for and be willing to fight for it. I’m willing to fight for it. People respect conviction. I want people to think, “Wow! She believes in it so much. She’s unwavering. There’s not a whole lot we can throw at her because she’s not going to be taken down.”

That’s my biggest advice – be unwavering. I call it “true north vs. magnetic north.” My true north is what I believe in, what my thoughts are, what my values are. The magnetic north is what society wants, what the traditional industry has always done, what your parents want. It pulls you. It’s magnetic, but you always have to reorient towards your true north because that’s when you’re unstoppable. Figuring out my true north has never been one “bang!” moment. It’s been thousands of micro-moments of following my intuition and my gut.

2. Beware of “Non-Clappers”

Jealousy or anger is like holding hot coal and thinking your opponent will be burned. But it only hurts you. I’ve experienced tons of anger and jealousy as my profile has risen. The one thing I have realized is that as you start to experience a lot more success, you’ll see those who are on what I call the the “Carrie train.” And you’ll see those you aren’t on your train because they make themselves known. Another one of my favorite quotes is, “Look for those who aren’t clapping when you succeed.” I only surround myself with people who clap when I succeed and say, “Keep going. Keep going higher!” Being surrounded by those people is important if you want to carve your own path.

3. Success Begets Success

The more success I have, the more I can help everyone around me. It’s shifting our mindset from scarcity to abundance and realizing that if people around us win, we all get to win more.

4. You’re Not Invincible

Reach out for help, advice and mentorship when you need it. Don’t wait for it to be offered. One of the problems is that we believe that the higher we rise, we think, “I can’t let anyone know I’m not invincible because everyone thinks I’m invincible. I better keep on that façade of invincibility.” We all have weaknesses. We’re all human. We all need help. We can’t possibly know everything. If we think we do, that’s dumb.

5. Drop Your V-Bomb

The second we’re vulnerable, not only does it allow the other person to be vulnerable, but you actually can form much deeper and connected relationships because you trust someone with the most soft, sensitive part of your soul. When you open up to someone and they cherish it and take it seriously, that’s a person you want to keep in your life. Whenever I am vulnerable with friends or with new people I meet, it leads to the most amazing and supportive relationships.

6. Compliments Are Contagious

I have a new rule. If I think something positive about someone, I say it out loud. That can be as little as telling someone on the subway that they have a cute scarf or it can be as big as “Wow, I think you are one of the most powerful leaders I’ve ever seen. I really aspire to be like you.” It’s powerful. When you give a compliment, you’re not just giving one because compliments are contagious.

7. Trade In Perfect For Badass

If you’re perfect, you’re not taking big enough risks. You’re not being enough of a badass. Perfect is boring.